2. The DA: This is the year to get your demographic representation on par, otherwise you would get less of the support you are supposed to get. Deal decisively forthwith with De Lille and others to keep the trust of your electorate.
3. The EFF: Transformation and land distribution will take place, be clever about it. Start in KZN where 60% of the land belongs to the King’s Trust. That has to stop. Millions of hectares are available for redistribution immediately.
4. The Police Minister: Fikile, choose your next holiday destination better, you are looking for a hiding. By the way, everybody can look right through you.
5. The FF+: Guys, it is time to call it a day before you follow the NP’s demise.
6. City Of Cape Town: You will have to start with emergency water planning NOW, we don’t want day zero to arrive.
7. Allister Coetzee: Do the right thing, man, under you the Boks will be no better than France and Argentina.
8. Markus Jooste: Pay back every cent you can and have, we need people to believe in corporate SA again.
9. Trevor Noah: Ignore the naysayers, you are doing a splendid job. We need your sharp mind to stay that way.
10. 7de Laan: I think it is time to quit while you’re ahead. We need something fresh.
11. Music producers: Before you sign somebody or cut a CD, check the talent. We need quality and not quantity.
12. Steve Hofmeyr and Gretha Wiid: Hai suka wena. (I hear the weather in New Zealand or Uruguay is great this time of the year).
13. Dr. Aaron Motsoaledi: Eish doc, please get your act together with regards to the new interns that was supposed to start today and they still don’t have contracts! The poor young doctors studied their butts off for six years, they don’t need insecurity and uncertainty. You knew from the beginning of 2017 how many doctors were getting their degrees, why wait till the eleventh hour to do the placements and contracts? Get it right this year please. We will be monitoring you.
14. President Jacob Zuma: Sorry, I have no advice for you. (Oh yeah, why don’t you join uncle Bob in Singapore or Dubai?)
15. And last but not least, Jacques Pauw, Thuli Madonsela and the leakers of the ‘Gupta leaks’: Thank you guys, South Africa needs to bestow on you the highest honour. Because of you, 2018 offers hope!